How to Properly Deal with Zombies

Some people seem to like zombies. Zombies like brains. Some people seem to have a brain. Thus, zombies like some people. So, can’t we all just get along? For some reason that doesn’t seem to be working out. So how exactly does one properly deal with zombies?

Recently the Center for Disease control posted an emergency preparedness and response blog for what to do in case of a Zombie Apocalypse. Yeah you read that right – you have got to love your American tax dollars at work. In the CDC’s defense, the blog entry was geared at getting the Average Joe over to CDC’s website – a place most people would never visit on their own. The hope was that in checking out the unique post folks would also pick up ideas on disaster preparedness. The concept must have worked because the onslaught of zombie-loving web-traffic shut down CDC’s website temporarily. I have heard that the CDC’s next offering might be about how to adequately prepare one’s website for a successful blog post. O.K., maybe not.

I have though been noticing that a lot of people are really into zombies. Did you know that there is actually a zombie lawn ornament in Sky-Mall that is meant to replace the trusty yard gnome (Sorry, Travelocity). Plants vs. Zombies is one of the best selling phone games out there. Zombies vs. Unicorns has become a top selling anthology. even has a whole page of Zombies and Bacon. Actually, come to think of it, zombies are kind of like the new Kevin Bacon – they’re in everything. If – Six-Degrees of the Living Dead is the next new party game – I won’t be surprised.

So this whole zombie fascination by people got me to wondering what exactly is a zombie anyway? I mean sure I’ve seen Night of the Living Dead, Shaun of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead but I guess I’ve never really had a reason to articulate what a zombie is per say. But since the CDC has a zombie apocalypse warning I got to thinking, maybe I better know one when I see them. So I looked up the definition on and got the following definition: The body of a dead person given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose.

Oh that’s just great. So MOST zombies are evil. Just what we need in a zombie apocalypse – a bunch of evil spirit possessed dead people hungry for brains. Not exactly my idea of a fun-time event. But waita minute! If only MOST zombies are evil that means that some zombies aren’t all bad? Are those the one’s who like to play video games with us chained up in the back shed?

Intrigued, I continued looking into what some of these not-pure-evil zombies might be like. And for this I turned to the World English Dictionary. One of its definitions of a zombie is what I’ll call definition #2: a person who is or appears to be lifeless, apathetic, or totally lacking in independent judgment; automaton. Almost immediately as I read this it hit me. According to definition #2, we are all surrounded by zombies. I would even bet that you have some close zombie friends. I personally have met plenty of people in my lifetime that seem to fit this definition perfectly. Actually, there have been numerous times in my existence when definition #2 probably describes me as well.

Personally, I think that the world sets us up to be zombies of sorts. The day-to-day grind can “suck the life out of us”. It can convince us that there isn’t anything that really matters in this world. It can fool us into believing that we don’t have to take any responsibility for our individual decisions and thus we should forget thinking for ourselves. We allow ourselves to be dehumanized – we essentially go on autopilot, we tune-out.

I wish that I could say that this kind of zombification only occurs outside of the church but the reality is that that simply is not the case. The church too has been infected by apathy and lifelessness – often times rendering it ineffective in its mission and ministry. On a weekly basis, churches across America are filled with lifeless congregants attending on auto-pilot: dead to the Spirit working in and through them; unreceptive to the Gospel charge.

Of course that’s not to say that there aren’t plenty of zombified pastors in pulpits across the nation either. They become “fried” over time out of a lack of rest. They get traumatized as a result of dealing with other people’s unthinkable antics. Oftentimes they get worn out by dealing with their own or each others unthinkable antics. Ministry is hard and truly loving people can be a real challenge.

That being said its it’s still very difficult for congre-zombies to get fired up when the preaching closely resembles the monotone drone of zombie-like mumbling grunts and groans. But in spite of all of this it still is important to remember that not all zombies are evil. So there must be some hope right?

The Good News is that we don’t have to settle for such zombified lives. We have the choice to be more than just lifeless corpses in and beyond this world. In Christ we can experience the depth and richness of what it means to be human. We can have passion and inspiration through the Spirit of God working among and within us. We can be led and guided by the authority of God so that we can decisively choose that which is right.

So what’s the best way to handle a zombie if you find yourself under attack? How is it that one can properly deal with zombies? It’s simple really. Authentically, introduce them to the Living God.